Are we, as modern mothers, innate heroines? Or are we doing far more than our fair share at home, with the kids, and at work?Īfter several waves of feminism aimed at stemming the pay gap and providing choice to women around how we spend our time juggling work and care, in 2022 we are still behind by nearly 2 million jobs, and a woman makes just 69 cents on a man’s dollar. He had given this unwarranted and unsolicited advice to anyone listening: “Don’t do too good of a job cooking and always tell your wife she’s the best at it – that way, you’ll never have to do the work yourself.” We aren’t as scary as you might think.When I think of the term “supermom” I’m reminded of a dad at a BBQ I attended years ago, when I was in my 20’s. Please cut her some slack and get to know her. She is a person likely going through one of the hardest things she has ever experienced, and the struggle is real. The next time you meet someone who has gone through or is going through a divorce, try to remember that while you may not be able to empathize, you can sympathize with her. I need support, love and friends who genuinely care about me. There are more myths, I’m certain, but these are the ones that have impacted me the most since my divorce. I do not make irresponsible choices when they are in my care, and I don’t sacrifice their safety simply because my marriage failed. Their well-being is at the top of my priority list and always will be. However, my love and devotion to my children has not changed. Has my world been rocked? Are there aspects of my life that are different now? Have I changed a bit or a lot from how I was when I was married in some ways? Yes, yes, and yes. Truth: This is the most insulting and upsetting myth in my opinion. 5: You Aren’t That Great of a Mom Anymore We already feel like we are walking around with scarlet Ds branded on us at times, so we don’t need anyone making us feel worse about it. We struggle with balancing life with children just like married moms do. Please remember we are people and moms too. Truth: I can’t speak for all single moms, but I know I am a great mom (or I’m trying to be), a loyal friend, a loving daughter, and that my marriage ending doesn’t take away from that. 4: You Are a Bad Person Because Your Marriage Is Over So, please, for Pete’s sake, stop thinking we are on the prowl for married men, especially yours. Half the time I don’t even know if I want to be in a relationship or get married again. Truth: We just either got dumped or we dumped our husbands. This is a gamble and many times, part way through the date, I just want some Calgon to take me away to a hot bath and some binge watching alone in the dark. 1, some of my precious alone time is spent on dating. Yes, my ex has the kids sometimes, but I often have chores or errands to catch up on because I can’t efficiently get them done when I have my kids (all of us moms know the miracle of shopping alone). I actually rarely shower or go to the bathroom in privacy just like when I was a married mom. Truth: As a single mom, I am basically functioning as both parents most of the time, so there is very little opportunity for being alone. He has to be willing to sacrifice time with you when you need to be there for your kids. He has to love all the curves and ripples that carrying and delivering babies that are not his own have put on your body. Any and all insecurities you have from your past relationship are magnified because you now have to get a man to love you and your children. Not only that, but sorting through men and trying to figure out which ones are the good ones is also super difficult. Now I have to balance taking care of my children all the while making sure I feel and look desirable. Wearing yoga pants and a hoodie isn’t an option when meeting new men. Truth: It was fun for the first 30 minutes of the first date I went on. I actually used to be one of those people before my divorce, so today I want to debunk these myths about us. Assumptions are made by people who are unable or unwilling understand. I’ve been thinking a lot about how single moms are perceived. I am a happy and positive person most of the time, but today is just one of those days when I’m feeling a little pouty. It’s the kind of day that I am totally into when I have the day off, and I can cuddle up with someone I love and watch TV all day.
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